Mixed Martial B0nes

The Ultimate Fighter Heavyweights Finale rumbled in on December 5th, 2009 with a whimper and left with a big HONK! er Country. Yes, horror of all horrors, Roy “Big Country” Nelson emerged victorious and is now the newest Ultimate Fighter winner. I keep forgetting and, I think, everyone else keeps forgetting that this is a *GAME SHOW*. So Brendan Shaub getting nailed in the temple shouldn’t have been a surprise. He just doesn’t have the ring experience that Nelson has. At least he didn’t get his face smashed by Roy’s belly like all the other losers on TUF that got schooled by him. “Meathead” Mitrone took down “Big Baby.” I was really pulling for Marcus to redeem himself but he showed his inexperience as well. He’s got a few years to get better though. Kimbo won his first match as a UFC fighter. This shouldn’t have been such a snoozer. You can thank Houston Alexander’s camp for sticking to the most boring gameplan ever: Circle, circle, circle, smack Kimbo in the knee, circle, circle, circle, smack Kimbo on the knee, Oops! get owned by Kimbo Slice’s *ground game*??!?! The headliner fight between Matt Hamill and Jon Jones was easily the most exciting if you remove the win by DQ for Hamill. I’ve won by DQ before. You really feel like a bitch raising your hand in victory while you are bleeding your nose out. Hamill is better than that but Jones is something else. Watch out UFC, Jones is not going away!

Here’s your results in all their inglorious crappitude…

No Wanna See You Undercard Fights:

* Welterweight bout:  John Howard vs.  Dennis Hallman
Howard put the hurt on Hallman via KO (Strikes) at 4:55 of round 3.

* Light Heavyweight bout:  Brian Stann vs.  Rodney Wallace
Stann fooled the judges and beat up Wallace via unanimous decision. (30-27, 29-28, 29-28)

* Heavyweight bout:  Jon Madsen vs.  Justin Wren
Madsen fooled the judges and beat up Wren via split decision. (30-27, 28-29, 29-28)

Main Drunk on the Couch or Pub Spike TV Fights:

* Heavyweight bout:  Marcus Jones vs.  Matt Mitrione
Mitrione put the hurt on Jones via KO (Punches) at 0:10 of Round 2.

* Lightweight bout:  Frank Edgar vs.  Matt Veach
Edgar choked the fight out of Veach via Submission (Rear Naked Choke) at 2:22 of Round 2.

* Lightweight bout:  Mark Bocek vs.  Joe Brammer
Bocek choked the fight out of Brammer via submission (rear-naked choke) at 3:36 of round one.

* Catchweight (212 lb) bout:  Kimbo Slice vs.  Houston Alexander
Slice fooled the judges and beat up Alexander via unanimous decision. (29-28, 29-28, 30-27)

* Light Heavyweight bout:  Matt Hamill vs.  Jon Jones
Hamill dropped his hands and used his unguarded face to win against Jones via DQ (illegal elbow) at 4:14 of Round 1

* Heavyweight bout:  Darrill Schoonover vs.  James McSweeney
McSweeney put the hurt on Schoonover via TKO (Strikes) at 3:20 of Round 3.

* Heavyweight bout:  Roy Nelson vs.  Brendan Schaub
Nelson put the hurt on Schaub via KO (Punch) at 3:25 of Round 1 to become the The Ultimate Fighter 10 Heavyweights Winner.