Mixed Martial B0nes

UFC 109 Relentless came at us on February 6, 2010 and lived up to it’s name:  Relentlessly boring.  OK, maybe not all of it was boring.  Seeing Randy Couture vs. Mark Coleman was a good trip back to the olden times.  The Sonnen vs. Marquardt fight was definitely the fight of the night.  I guess you can’t have a really big fight card every time but it seems like these guys have been pulled out from the very back of the closet.  Let’s see some newer shinier “toys” mix it up next time.  I’m sure it will make shelling out the $50 for PPV easier.

No Wanna See You Undercard Fight:

* Heavyweight bout: Tim Hague vs. Chris Tuchscherer
Tuchscherer fooled the judges Hague via majority decision (29-28, 29-28, 28-28).

* Lightweight bout: Phillipe Nover vs. Rob Emerson
Emerson fooled the judges Nover via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28).

Spike TV Too Cheap For PPV Fights:

* Lightweight bout: Melvin Guillard vs. Ronnys Torres
Guillard fooled the judges Torres via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28).

* Lightweight bout: Mac Danzig vs. Justin Buchholz
Danzig fooled the judges Buchholz via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28).

Main PPV and/or Drunk at the Pub Fights:

* Welterweight bout: Matt Serra vs. Frank Trigg
Serra put the hurt on Trigg via KO (punches) at 2:23 of round 1.

* Middleweight bout: Demian Maia vs. Dan Miller
Maia fooled the judges Miller via unanimous decision (30-27, 29-28, 29-28).

* Light Heavyweight bout: Brian Stann vs. Phil Davis
Davis fooled the judges Stann via unanimous decision. This fight aired on the PPV broadcast following the Maia vs. Miller bout.

* Welterweight bout: Mike Swick vs. Paulo Thiago
Thiago choked the fight out of Swick via submission (d’arce choke) at 1:54 of round 2.

* Middleweight bout: Nate Marquardt vs. Chael Sonnen
Sonnen fooled the judges Marquardt via unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27).

* Light Heavyweight bout: Randy Couture vs. Mark Coleman
Couture choked the fight out of Coleman via submission (rear naked choke) at 1:09 of round 2.

* Heavyweight bout: Rolles Gracie vs. Joey Beltran
Beltran put the hurt on Gracie via TKO (punches) at 1:31 of round 2. This fight aired on the PPV broadcast following the Couture vs. Coleman main event bout.

The Ultimate Fighter Heavyweights Finale rumbled in on December 5th, 2009 with a whimper and left with a big HONK! er Country. Yes, horror of all horrors, Roy “Big Country” Nelson emerged victorious and is now the newest Ultimate Fighter winner. I keep forgetting and, I think, everyone else keeps forgetting that this is a *GAME SHOW*. So Brendan Shaub getting nailed in the temple shouldn’t have been a surprise. He just doesn’t have the ring experience that Nelson has. At least he didn’t get his face smashed by Roy’s belly like all the other losers on TUF that got schooled by him. “Meathead” Mitrone took down “Big Baby.” I was really pulling for Marcus to redeem himself but he showed his inexperience as well. He’s got a few years to get better though. Kimbo won his first match as a UFC fighter. This shouldn’t have been such a snoozer. You can thank Houston Alexander’s camp for sticking to the most boring gameplan ever: Circle, circle, circle, smack Kimbo in the knee, circle, circle, circle, smack Kimbo on the knee, Oops! get owned by Kimbo Slice’s *ground game*??!?! The headliner fight between Matt Hamill and Jon Jones was easily the most exciting if you remove the win by DQ for Hamill. I’ve won by DQ before. You really feel like a bitch raising your hand in victory while you are bleeding your nose out. Hamill is better than that but Jones is something else. Watch out UFC, Jones is not going away!

Here’s your results in all their inglorious crappitude…

No Wanna See You Undercard Fights:

* Welterweight bout:  John Howard vs.  Dennis Hallman
Howard put the hurt on Hallman via KO (Strikes) at 4:55 of round 3.

* Light Heavyweight bout:  Brian Stann vs.  Rodney Wallace
Stann fooled the judges and beat up Wallace via unanimous decision. (30-27, 29-28, 29-28)

* Heavyweight bout:  Jon Madsen vs.  Justin Wren
Madsen fooled the judges and beat up Wren via split decision. (30-27, 28-29, 29-28)

Main Drunk on the Couch or Pub Spike TV Fights:

* Heavyweight bout:  Marcus Jones vs.  Matt Mitrione
Mitrione put the hurt on Jones via KO (Punches) at 0:10 of Round 2.

* Lightweight bout:  Frank Edgar vs.  Matt Veach
Edgar choked the fight out of Veach via Submission (Rear Naked Choke) at 2:22 of Round 2.

* Lightweight bout:  Mark Bocek vs.  Joe Brammer
Bocek choked the fight out of Brammer via submission (rear-naked choke) at 3:36 of round one.

* Catchweight (212 lb) bout:  Kimbo Slice vs.  Houston Alexander
Slice fooled the judges and beat up Alexander via unanimous decision. (29-28, 29-28, 30-27)

* Light Heavyweight bout:  Matt Hamill vs.  Jon Jones
Hamill dropped his hands and used his unguarded face to win against Jones via DQ (illegal elbow) at 4:14 of Round 1

* Heavyweight bout:  Darrill Schoonover vs.  James McSweeney
McSweeney put the hurt on Schoonover via TKO (Strikes) at 3:20 of Round 3.

* Heavyweight bout:  Roy Nelson vs.  Brendan Schaub
Nelson put the hurt on Schaub via KO (Punch) at 3:25 of Round 1 to become the The Ultimate Fighter 10 Heavyweights Winner.

Are You Even Listening? I'm tellin' you it was THIS big!

UFC104 came in with a mighty roar but kind of ended with a whimper.  A LOT of folks are unhappy that Shogun lost on points to Machida but that’s the breaks when you leave your fight results to the judges!  UFC104 was a pay per view event but, like UFC103, SPIKE TV aired a couple of the undercard bouts.  This is an excellent way to get more viewers to the UFC bandwagon and it also helps those of us that are tired of shoveling out $40 a pop for pay per view.  Of course, gas, a pint of suds and some nachos at the local sports bar won’t set you back $40 so that may be the way to go for us cheap skates!  Here are your UFC 104 results:

No Wanna See You Undercard Fights:

* Light Heavyweight bout:  Kyle Kingsbury vs.  Razak Al-Hassan

Kingsbury fooled the judges and beat up Al-Hassan via split decision (29-28, 28-29, 29-28).

* Middleweight bout:  Jorge Rivera vs.  Rob Kimmons

Rivera put the hurt on Kimmons via TKO (strikes) at 1:53 of round 1.

Spike TV Too Cheap For PPV Fights:

* Heavyweight bout:  Stefan Struve vs.  Chase Gormley

Struve choked the fight out of Gormley via submission (triangle choke) at 4:04 of round 1.

* Heavyweight bout:  Antoni Hardonk vs.  Patrick Barry

Barry put the hurt on Hardonk via TKO (strikes) at 2:30 of round 2.

* Light Heavyweight bout:  Ryan Bader vs.  Eric Schafer

Bader fooled the judges and beat up Schafer via unanimous decision (30-27, 29-26, 30-27).

Main PPV and/or Drunk at the Pub Fights:

* Welterweight (176 lb) bout:  Anthony Johnson vs.  Yoshiyuki Yoshida

Johnson put the hurt on Yoshida via TKO (punches) at 0:41 of round 1.

* Lightweight bout:  Joe Stevenson vs.  Spencer Fisher

Stevenson smashed up Fisher via Submission (elbows) at 4:03 of round 2.

* Middleweight bout:  Yushin Okami vs.  Chael Sonnen

Sonnen fooled the judges and beat up Okami via unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27).

* 157lb Catchweight bout:  Gleison Tibau vs.  Josh Neer

Tibau fooled the judges and beat up Neer via unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 29-28).

* Heavyweight bout:  Cain Velasquez vs.  Ben Rothwell

Velasquez put the hurt on Rothwell via TKO (punches) at 0:58 of round 2

* Light Heavyweight Championship bout:  Lyoto Machida vs.  Mauricio Rua

Machida fooled the judges and beat up Rua via unanimous decision (48-47, 48-47, 48-47) to retain the UFC Light Heavyweight Championship