Mixed Martial B0nes

The Ultimate Fighter Heavyweights Finale rumbled in on December 5th, 2009 with a whimper and left with a big HONK! er Country. Yes, horror of all horrors, Roy “Big Country” Nelson emerged victorious and is now the newest Ultimate Fighter winner. I keep forgetting and, I think, everyone else keeps forgetting that this is a *GAME SHOW*. So Brendan Shaub getting nailed in the temple shouldn’t have been a surprise. He just doesn’t have the ring experience that Nelson has. At least he didn’t get his face smashed by Roy’s belly like all the other losers on TUF that got schooled by him. “Meathead” Mitrone took down “Big Baby.” I was really pulling for Marcus to redeem himself but he showed his inexperience as well. He’s got a few years to get better though. Kimbo won his first match as a UFC fighter. This shouldn’t have been such a snoozer. You can thank Houston Alexander’s camp for sticking to the most boring gameplan ever: Circle, circle, circle, smack Kimbo in the knee, circle, circle, circle, smack Kimbo on the knee, Oops! get owned by Kimbo Slice’s *ground game*??!?! The headliner fight between Matt Hamill and Jon Jones was easily the most exciting if you remove the win by DQ for Hamill. I’ve won by DQ before. You really feel like a bitch raising your hand in victory while you are bleeding your nose out. Hamill is better than that but Jones is something else. Watch out UFC, Jones is not going away!

Here’s your results in all their inglorious crappitude…

No Wanna See You Undercard Fights:

* Welterweight bout:  John Howard vs.  Dennis Hallman
Howard put the hurt on Hallman via KO (Strikes) at 4:55 of round 3.

* Light Heavyweight bout:  Brian Stann vs.  Rodney Wallace
Stann fooled the judges and beat up Wallace via unanimous decision. (30-27, 29-28, 29-28)

* Heavyweight bout:  Jon Madsen vs.  Justin Wren
Madsen fooled the judges and beat up Wren via split decision. (30-27, 28-29, 29-28)

Main Drunk on the Couch or Pub Spike TV Fights:

* Heavyweight bout:  Marcus Jones vs.  Matt Mitrione
Mitrione put the hurt on Jones via KO (Punches) at 0:10 of Round 2.

* Lightweight bout:  Frank Edgar vs.  Matt Veach
Edgar choked the fight out of Veach via Submission (Rear Naked Choke) at 2:22 of Round 2.

* Lightweight bout:  Mark Bocek vs.  Joe Brammer
Bocek choked the fight out of Brammer via submission (rear-naked choke) at 3:36 of round one.

* Catchweight (212 lb) bout:  Kimbo Slice vs.  Houston Alexander
Slice fooled the judges and beat up Alexander via unanimous decision. (29-28, 29-28, 30-27)

* Light Heavyweight bout:  Matt Hamill vs.  Jon Jones
Hamill dropped his hands and used his unguarded face to win against Jones via DQ (illegal elbow) at 4:14 of Round 1

* Heavyweight bout:  Darrill Schoonover vs.  James McSweeney
McSweeney put the hurt on Schoonover via TKO (Strikes) at 3:20 of Round 3.

* Heavyweight bout:  Roy Nelson vs.  Brendan Schaub
Nelson put the hurt on Schaub via KO (Punch) at 3:25 of Round 1 to become the The Ultimate Fighter 10 Heavyweights Winner.

EliteXC Saturday Night Fights came and went like wildfire on the networks this weekend. Let’s just get this out of the way: EliteXC and CBS have a real winner here. This event was an unquestionable success. Never mind what all the UFC/WEC elitists are saying on the radio and the Interwebs… Kimbo brought his show to Network TV and smashed the living daylights out of the ratings. We are going to see more of EliteXC.

POW!

I say, bring it on! Sure, there was crap TV and a bunch of crap fights. But, there was some great and compelling action as well. The hardcore UFC audience is having fits right now but EliteXC and CBS have the last laugh because the hardcore freaks *TUNED IN*!!! Sure they hated it! All three excruciating hours of it and when it comes back (and it WILL) they will hate the next three hours of it too. Honestly, what were you going to watch on Saturday night? Hockey??!!? They’re battling for the Stanley Cup and didn’t get the ratings that this thing did! No, hard core freaks had better hope that with the increased exposure, EliteXC attracts better fighters. So, what the freak (as in SHOW) happened?

Brett “The Grim” Rogers vs. Jon Murphy After waiting for what seemed forever (20 plus minutes of “this is MMA,” (they could have just read MY intro), a little bio and trash talking from both the fighters, then a WWE-esque walk to the cage with rappers and ring girls, plus analysis and whatnot from the announcers) we finally get to see the first fight. Every fight after this would enjoy the same treatment. I actually kind of like the ring girls… wait. Fighting. Oh yeah, it was mostly a pretty tame standup game with a wicked right coming from The Grim to knockout Murphy early in the first round. Jon really wasn’t looking too good and I think the doctors did him a favor even though a lot of UFC purists thought he could continue. Not much to go on here as far as whether these two are any good. We’ll have to see who they get matched up with next.

Joey Villasenor vs. Phil “The New York Badass” Baroni I’m still sorry. Phil’s nickname “New York Badass,” earned him the beatdown that I predicted. It happened a few minutes into the first like the earlier fight. I must admit, it wasn’t *that* much of a beatdown. The ref stopped it as soon as he saw blood gushing from Badass’ nose. The doctors swarmed in on him as well and forced him in his seat even when he wanted to stand up to congratulate VIllasenor. So this is another source of hardcore UFCfanboy criticism. I think that since this is playing on Network TV you can’t have the same standards of bloodiness that you can on basic cable. They’re just protecting their investment folks and it’s going to pay dividends sooner or later.

Gina “Conviction” Carano vs. Kaitlin Young *THIS* was the fight everyone was waiting for. It was definitely the most action packed of the night. Forget about the garbage Kaitlin was talking after the fight: She got owned! Convicted! In two rounds, Gina Carano was in total control and Young didn’t have a single answer for her. If she went another round with Gina, her face would have fallen off from the punches and kicks. This fight was also full of good submission work as well. It doesn’t hurt that Gina is easy on the eyes as well but let’s not downplay what she did: She WORKED Kaitlin Young like she was a pathetic American Gladiator trying to beat her at the pugil stick. Good work girls. Let’s hope we see more ladies in action. They certainly showed that they could fight in *this* match.

Elite XC Middleweight Champion “Ruthless” Robbie Lawler vs. Scott “Hands of Steel” Smith This could have been the best fight of the night. Both Robbie Lawler and Scott Smith were having a great standup battle trading punches and kicks. Just mercilessly attacking each other. However, Lawler had the upper hand most of the three rounds this went. At the end of both the first two rounds, Smith was in a daze and had to grab on to the cage to keep standing. In the end though, a eye poke ended the match. The judges scored it a no contest but I think Lawler would have eventually destroyed Smith if it continued further. He was just too much for Smith. Of course, the real losers were US in the audience: Robbed of a great MMA fight by twitchy doctors and officials.

Kimbo Slice vs. James “The Colossus” Thompson What can we say? Kimbo Kimbo KIMBO! He wanted to take it to the ground to show what Bas Rutten has been teaching him. So that’s exactly what happened. What also happened is that he was exposed for what he is: a poor ground fighter. Even the commentators mentioned that Kimbo didn’t know what he was doing once he got caught underneath the Colossus. The first round was actually the best of them. Both fighters did some damage in the standup and ground games. I’d say Thompson had a very very slight edge on the ground with Kimbo taking the standup like he should. The second round looked as though it should have been Thompson’s. He really nullified Kimbo’s standup and controlled him in ground and pound fashion. Even after the ref stood him and Kimbo up for whatever reason… (fix? That’s what EVERYONE is saying…) James got him back down on the ground and crushed Kimbo’s head repeatedly with big elbow shots. Why didn’t it end in the second? (fix?…) The third saw Slice just destroy the cauliflower ear that the Colossus was sporting. After a few more smashes to James’ temple, the ref decided to give Kimbo the victory we knew he was going to get for this debut on national TV.

Well, love it or hate it. EliteXC is here on CBS. We’ll be seeing more and more of this. Hopefully the fights and the fighters get better and the fixes not so blatant! Oh, did I type that out loud??!!

Well, it’s finally happened. MMA has gone from a 2AM also ran show to full on Network TV Sporting event. The CBS EliteXC Saturday Night Fights are coming tomorrow, uhhhh Saturday Night, May 31st. With it, we are being thrown a freakshow of a fight card. I don’t know what to make of it other than the appearance of Kimbo Slice in a ring fighting on an actual TV network. Oh yeah… chick fights!!! “Crush” of the New American Gladiators will be squaring off with another tough female opponent. Here are all the fighters that will be squaring off on TV tomorrow night. I don’t know much about them so you may want to check out ELITEXC’s page for details and pictures (Especially of Crush / Gina Carano! my new girlfriend… in my mind…) Here’s the main event stuff:

Kimbo Slice vs. James “The Colossus” Thompson This will be *THE* fight everyone will be waiting for even though Slice really isn’t anything more than a really really tough dude.

Elite XC Middleweight Champion “Ruthless” Robbie Lawler vs. Scott “Hands of Steel” Smith Here’s the best actual MMA fight of the night. Lawler has been there done that all over the place. We’ll see if that translates to a win.

Joey Villasenor vs. Phil “The New York Badass” Baroni I’m sorry. With a nickname like “New York Badass,” Phil is just asking for a beatdown. I just don’t know if this Joey character can deliver.

Gina “Conviction” Carano vs. Kaitlin Young Carano has seen plenty of MMA herself with a 12-1 Muay Thai record. Playing “Crush” on American Gladiators gives her some practical training/experience with the pugil stick. Hey, if it’s good enough for the Army, it should be good enough for a MMA fighter. It doesn’t hurt that she’s easy on the eyes. Just watch out and don’t get fresh with her because she could turn both of those creepy eyes black!

Brett “The Grim Rogers vs. Jon Murphy Brett is an undefeated fighter and Jon just looks scary. Clay Guida scary! They both tip the scales at 265 pounds so expect to see a bit of banging followed by a wicked KO.

Sorry I don’t have much for this. As we get more matches under our belts, EliteXC’s fighters and events will get more exposure here. Well… as long as the matches are good and we get more Gina! Oh yes… you will be mine… Cue pugil stick to my cranium. POW!